We've lived in Virginia almost two years now. Things are good. Life is good. Parker has a stable and well paying job that he enjoys. The kids are all healthy and happy. Why do I still find myself sad? Yesterday in the mail I got Jackson and Josh's kindergarten form from the pediatrician. The nurses handwriting looked just like my mom's handwriting and it made me cry. I miss her so much. Wednesday night Parker was gone at the church all night and I called my little sister who was also home alone that night because her husband was at scout camp. I hung up and cried. It would've been a perfect night for two sisters to sit on the couch and enjoy some time together. I miss her so much. Today is my little sis in law's baby shower, I would give anything to be there. I hate missing out on stuff like that and I so want to be there for Christine and all she's going through. I miss her so much. Why was I taken away from family that I love so dearly and want/need in my life?
I may never know the answer to that question. I just have to come to terms with that. Don't get me wrong, I love Virginia. There are so many things I love about Virginia. In fact, I have never wanted to spend the rest of my life in Utah. But, that's where most of my family is. So that's where I want to be. I have been so blessed out here with an amazing ward, neighbor girls that are always there when I need help, and wonderful friends. I know that Heavenly Father sent my dear friends Traci and Kimberly to me to help ease the pain of not having my sisters around. I am grateful for Traci's daughter, sweet little Leah that I get to babysit 2-3 times a week, because she reminds me of my niece. I know I'm being looked after and taken care of and for that I am grateful. Yet, I still find myself sad. It comes and goes. Today it's here. Maybe tomorrow it will go.